It seems as if the first year at college was just a free trial before you get sucked into buying a three-year member ship without knowing it. Then it becomes real; the fun and games are over, and you're trapped in the library for six hours working on a paper you had three weeks to do, but really, you didn't. You were too busy working on a resume and cover letter for an internship you're applying for, and too busy cleaning your room and doing laundry. On top of that, you're producing a theatre festival, or doing something else that is extracurricular, and all you really want to do is read a book and take a nap for the next decade.
This is chaos. This is college.
It's crazy to think how much we've grown since we first came to the school. The bubbly hormonally driven students are slowly transforming into mature and career driven individuals. It's pretty amazing. I worked as a peer mentor for two years, and I got to see it myself. I remember the first day; I was shy and excited and I made sure to wake up with enough time to do my hair and makeup in order to look presentable for my 8:30 lecture. Ah, the good ol' days. I see this in the freshmen too. They're excited because it's the first time they're really on their own and they wanna do everything. Clubs, parties, classes...how do you do it all? What about schoolwork? When do you shower?
Fast forward; it's junior year and I've given up on appearances because I am too concerned with getting to class on time. I don't eat, I can't sleep, but I know it's going to pay off. My room is a mess, I have appointments I need to keep, I'm trying to go to yoga, maybe the gym, my family hasn't heard from me in a week and probably think I died, and no one has yet took me by the shoulders to ask me, "are you okay?"
This is chaos. This is my mind.
I have yet to learn how to not overload myself (i.e. taking 20 credits), but there's still so much I want to do. Add a second major, study abroad, become a club president...but I don't have that much time left. That's fine. I don't have to do all of that, but damn do I really want to. I don't want to stop learning, and there's so many classes I want to take but when? Is there a way I can still do all of that with the time I have left?
This is chaos. This is life.
Of all the things I learned this year, it's that you should never rush into things. Good things really do take time, and if you want it to last you have to be patient. I felt that excitement when I first published Chasing Sam, and if you went to purchase it recently, you saw that it doesn't exist. I'm working on revisions, and while I think it's good, there's a chance it could be much better.
While we're on the subject of growing, I feel like I have grown as a writer over the last few years. I always loved telling stories, so I'm going to share my own. Museum of Mistakes, a poetry compilation, is about growth. It's about love, heartbreak, staying up all night, and yearning to be free. It'll be released on February 1st, 2018, which is also my 21st birthday. I'm growing up. We all are. I've watered and nurtured the plants and they have blossomed into beautiful flowers.
This is chaos. This is writing.
And boy, am I excited.